There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
