a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize