How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
