God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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