you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
