new low.... made out with someone while peeing
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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