I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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