As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
