"it" just moved
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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