im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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