He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
