At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
