I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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