It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
