why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
