I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
