I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
