All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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