Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
