we made out on top of his cat.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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