I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
