i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
