And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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