oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
