I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
