when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
