I didn't shave. On purpose
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
