I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
