I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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