What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
