absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
