i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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