I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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