Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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