so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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