Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize