brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
