somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
