How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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