I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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