If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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