So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
