i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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