dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
