You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
