So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
