anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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