never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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