just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
