I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
