Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
being pregnant is like rehab
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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