probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
