Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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