No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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