I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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