Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
