closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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