Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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