just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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