pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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