i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
