and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
