I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
