They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
